A co-worker is writing a story on this massage chair from Sharper Image, the store, Sharper Image. It's part of a larger story about Valentine gifts or some such. Anyway, the company sends her press materials for the Human Touch Stretching Robotic Massage Recliner, which among many of its features includes "the deepest penetrating cervical massage ever offered in any massage chair." I added the italics. That would be one hell of a chair, no? Anyway, my co-worker, smarty that she is, figures this can't really be what they meant to say, and e-mails the media relations lady, who immediatley e-mails back with:
"Clavicle!! It should say clavicle!!!"
It's still up on the Web site.
UPDATE: Apparently, there is a cervical vertebrae in the neck that would be wonderfully served by this chair.
Who knew?
Monday, December 31, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Back at work post no. 1
Christmas is so over.
Vacation is so over.
Sucks to all that.
Some thoughts:
Spent a day at Disneyland, which is full of magic, yes. I hadn't been there in 11 years (since grad-night) and my, things have changed. Well, Disneyland itself is totally the same, but now there's all this California Adventure stuff and something called, I think, Downtown Disney, which is essentially a bunch of stores and restuarants just outside Disney's door. There's a House of Blues. Had a great time, yes, mostly due to the company. If I don't make it back for another 11 years, things will be fine.
Hightlights of the day: Tower of Terror (times two). They cancelled the Believe in Holiday Magic holiday fireworks. Boo! Disney ruined my Christmas.
***
Spent a night at some divey-ass bar in Costa Mesa. Though, I felt pretty safe there, so it wasn't really a dive bar at all. But it was a beer-drinker's kind of place. There was 140 beers on tap, no Pabst, a loud juke box, playing mostly bad music, pool tables and shuffle board and saw-dust on the floor. Totally dirty in that hipster-hangout sort of way. Lots of interesting types trying to hit on all out ladies, which we let them do mostly because it was funny. There might have been some dancing. Then out of nowhere some dude was telling us we needed to get out. I guess it was closing time. I did a ninja roll on out of that place quick.
Highlight of the night: The pool-playing dude with the Oakland Raiders vest, listening to his little earbud headphones. He had a goatee. And a great tan. One of those gloves pool sharks wear. And mistletoe on his hatband.
***
Driving home on the 99 and I'm following what looks like a dump truck. From the back end it looks like a dump truck, and as I pass it I notice there's all this "stuff" sticking out all willy nilly, which apon inspection I realize are hooves and tails from what I can only assume are lots of dead cows. Lots of dead cows. I'm not one to get all "meat is murder," but it was pretty fucking gross. Well, it was mostly unreal. People use the word surreal all the time, and mostly they're douches, but this was totally surreal. The question is: Where did these cows come from? And where are they going?
***
Driving around on Christmas day is a trip, because there's no one around. Like, everyone is with their families, except the people who don't have families, right? So, I'm driving to see my family and I pass this lady walking down the middle of the street just balling her eyes out. Like, full on tears. Not full-body-I'm-crying-so-hard-I-can't-breath tears, because obviously she was walking. It was like she was in a trance. A crying trance. Totally wierd. And sad.
***
Vacation is so over.
Sucks to all that.
Some thoughts:
Spent a day at Disneyland, which is full of magic, yes. I hadn't been there in 11 years (since grad-night) and my, things have changed. Well, Disneyland itself is totally the same, but now there's all this California Adventure stuff and something called, I think, Downtown Disney, which is essentially a bunch of stores and restuarants just outside Disney's door. There's a House of Blues. Had a great time, yes, mostly due to the company. If I don't make it back for another 11 years, things will be fine.
Hightlights of the day: Tower of Terror (times two). They cancelled the Believe in Holiday Magic holiday fireworks. Boo! Disney ruined my Christmas.
***
Spent a night at some divey-ass bar in Costa Mesa. Though, I felt pretty safe there, so it wasn't really a dive bar at all. But it was a beer-drinker's kind of place. There was 140 beers on tap, no Pabst, a loud juke box, playing mostly bad music, pool tables and shuffle board and saw-dust on the floor. Totally dirty in that hipster-hangout sort of way. Lots of interesting types trying to hit on all out ladies, which we let them do mostly because it was funny. There might have been some dancing. Then out of nowhere some dude was telling us we needed to get out. I guess it was closing time. I did a ninja roll on out of that place quick.
Highlight of the night: The pool-playing dude with the Oakland Raiders vest, listening to his little earbud headphones. He had a goatee. And a great tan. One of those gloves pool sharks wear. And mistletoe on his hatband.
***
Driving home on the 99 and I'm following what looks like a dump truck. From the back end it looks like a dump truck, and as I pass it I notice there's all this "stuff" sticking out all willy nilly, which apon inspection I realize are hooves and tails from what I can only assume are lots of dead cows. Lots of dead cows. I'm not one to get all "meat is murder," but it was pretty fucking gross. Well, it was mostly unreal. People use the word surreal all the time, and mostly they're douches, but this was totally surreal. The question is: Where did these cows come from? And where are they going?
***
Driving around on Christmas day is a trip, because there's no one around. Like, everyone is with their families, except the people who don't have families, right? So, I'm driving to see my family and I pass this lady walking down the middle of the street just balling her eyes out. Like, full on tears. Not full-body-I'm-crying-so-hard-I-can't-breath tears, because obviously she was walking. It was like she was in a trance. A crying trance. Totally wierd. And sad.
***
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Vacation post no. 1
Took a drive to the coast, by myself, which I've been told I should be proud of,because most people don't like to spend so much time by themselves. I don't mind. I sat on a rock and watched the beach for a while, ate some fish and chips, walked the pier, sat in a cafe and read. It was nice.
On the drive: Saw a deer who thought about coming on to the road, then saw my roaring automobile and spooked himself to safety. Then, saw another three to so deer awhile later. Saw a group of buzzards eating a dead skunk. I couldn't really tell it was a snunk from the look of it, but the smell was there. Curvey roads are nice in a sporty little car. Misty morning are nice coming down toward the coast.
At the beach: Watched some dudes surf. I was taken by how quiet they were. There was a group of them, like five or so, and they were all friends, I'd guess, but they didn't really say anything, just floated there waiting for the waves. People talk about surfing like Zen and it sort of felt like that watching them. Somehow
they knew when a good wave was coming. Odd.
***
Been staying up late watching TV, which is stupid what with the writer's strike and the fact I don't have cable. I don't even have a set of workable rabbit ears. But I do get PBS. Watched this great documentary on Ralph Nader. I won't say Nader is the coolest guy ever because I don't know enough about him to make that judgment call, but this documentary pointed out what I see as some big flaws in our voting system. Nader runs in 2000, and while being excluded from really participating in the process (no televised debates for him) he gets blamed for costing Al Gore the election. The thing is, they seemed so angry about it. Like pissed off to the point of calling Nader the devil. There was this great footage of Michael Moore in 2000 totally praising Nader, calling for everyone to get together and stand up for what they believe is right. Then cut to 2004 and Moore telling a crowd that Nader needs to leave the country alone and that you shouldn't vote for Nader, even if in your heart you know it's the right thing to do. Essentially he was saying you can't vote for the candidate you think would best respresent you. You have to vote for the one that have the possibility of winning. The worse of two evils.
I think this hits home for the 2008 election as well. Because I don't think there's a major party candidate that I would vote for. Maybe Ron Paul (even with the anti-abortion, anti-gay stuff), but he won't be the Republican candidate. So that sort of takes me out of the equation as a voter, right? And this all plays back into the question of how do we become better citizens, blah, blah. I think it starts locally and builds from there, but I don't know. Or with our money. Vote with your dollars and all that. I don't know.
On the drive: Saw a deer who thought about coming on to the road, then saw my roaring automobile and spooked himself to safety. Then, saw another three to so deer awhile later. Saw a group of buzzards eating a dead skunk. I couldn't really tell it was a snunk from the look of it, but the smell was there. Curvey roads are nice in a sporty little car. Misty morning are nice coming down toward the coast.
At the beach: Watched some dudes surf. I was taken by how quiet they were. There was a group of them, like five or so, and they were all friends, I'd guess, but they didn't really say anything, just floated there waiting for the waves. People talk about surfing like Zen and it sort of felt like that watching them. Somehow
they knew when a good wave was coming. Odd.
***
Been staying up late watching TV, which is stupid what with the writer's strike and the fact I don't have cable. I don't even have a set of workable rabbit ears. But I do get PBS. Watched this great documentary on Ralph Nader. I won't say Nader is the coolest guy ever because I don't know enough about him to make that judgment call, but this documentary pointed out what I see as some big flaws in our voting system. Nader runs in 2000, and while being excluded from really participating in the process (no televised debates for him) he gets blamed for costing Al Gore the election. The thing is, they seemed so angry about it. Like pissed off to the point of calling Nader the devil. There was this great footage of Michael Moore in 2000 totally praising Nader, calling for everyone to get together and stand up for what they believe is right. Then cut to 2004 and Moore telling a crowd that Nader needs to leave the country alone and that you shouldn't vote for Nader, even if in your heart you know it's the right thing to do. Essentially he was saying you can't vote for the candidate you think would best respresent you. You have to vote for the one that have the possibility of winning. The worse of two evils.
I think this hits home for the 2008 election as well. Because I don't think there's a major party candidate that I would vote for. Maybe Ron Paul (even with the anti-abortion, anti-gay stuff), but he won't be the Republican candidate. So that sort of takes me out of the equation as a voter, right? And this all plays back into the question of how do we become better citizens, blah, blah. I think it starts locally and builds from there, but I don't know. Or with our money. Vote with your dollars and all that. I don't know.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
No. 2
My teeth are stained. I don't need to look and you don't need to tell me. I can feel it, some yellow layer of filth. It's from the coffee, which I drink pretty much non-stop, to the point where I'm jittery all the time and I'm starting to smell burnt. So, I stop smiling so much and when you say you've got wonderlust I just nod and try to keep my head down and say, 'what's the opposite of that?' That's what I have.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Effective policing
I ran into police chief Jerry Dyer yesterday. It was no big deal, really. The Hispanic Commission (or is it coalition?), which is housed below my apartment, was having an open house with balloons and food and whatnot and some local dignitaries gave speaches. The Commission (or is it coalition?) offers DUI classes, and Dyer hates drunk drivers, so...
So, the chief is hanging out toward the back, by himself, in his uniform, looking totally professional no doubt, and as I'm walking past he hits me with this look like he knows all the shit I've ever talked about the police. Like he knows I'm up to some shit, and he's ready for it. And it's freaky, because I'm not up to any shit, but how he looks at me, I start thinking maybe I am up to some shit and I should stop it.
Now, that's effective policing.
So, the chief is hanging out toward the back, by himself, in his uniform, looking totally professional no doubt, and as I'm walking past he hits me with this look like he knows all the shit I've ever talked about the police. Like he knows I'm up to some shit, and he's ready for it. And it's freaky, because I'm not up to any shit, but how he looks at me, I start thinking maybe I am up to some shit and I should stop it.
Now, that's effective policing.
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