Movie review: The Box

Richard Kelly makes a kind of cinematic train wreck is impossible to look away from. I felt it the first time I saw Donnie Darko. So much so that I saw the movie opening night and then again the next afternoon.

The feeling was more pronounced with Southland Tales, a film so randomly bat-shit crazy it should have been unwatchable. But there I was after 144 minutes wondering what the f' I had just seen. I may have even asked it out loud.

The Box is neither of those movies. It lacks all of their redeeming qualities (the randomness of Southland Tales and the hipness of Darko). This is a long-play version of a Twilight Zone episode. It's a moral question (would you trade a human life of $1 million) played against the backdrop of a silent alien invasion.

That's the take away at any rate. Kelly adds other subtleties (the wife with the gimpy foot, the churning water as transportation portal), but they're mostly overlooked.

Still, something about this film transfixed me. Even as I was watching, knowing that it was long and a bit boring, I wanted more. Which ultimately makes the movie, what? Good, in it's own weird way?

High points:

* Kelly nailed the 1970s look, down to the nauseating orange and brown kitchen wallpaper.

* A guest spot from Britta from the funniest show on Television.

Movie Review: The Men Who Stare At Goats

The Men Who Stare at Goats

Without actually seeing this movie, it has a lot going for it. Like A.) a pretty great cast of moustachioed men, including Ewan McGregor and Geogre Clooney. And B.) a great premise.

So it's dissapointing that movie falls flat.

Spoiler alert: It's only marginally about remote veiwing, and the only one who stares at a goat is Clooney at it's for less than five seconds. Seriously.

Mostly, it was another movie trying to capitalize on the ambiguities of modern warfare (which Clooney did way better in Three Kings). Sure, there were some funny moments (it is a comedy afterall) and it was mostly a pleasant enough way to spend an hour and a half (as opposed to watching Saw VI), but it just seemed so ... blah. Generic and wasted and kind of a waste.

This man...

Take a minute right now and go visit this man's Web site. I stumbled upon it this morning and was totally mesmerized by it for a good fifteen minutes. I have not dreamed this man. But I find the idea of it totally intriguing. Plus, the pictures are just creepy.

Memoir in a day

Joel Stein, who works for Time or something wrote a memoir in a day, a jab at Sarah Palin's book Going Rogue, which was apparently written in four months of something. Whatever. You can read Stein's over at the Huff post. It's funny and makes me want to write a memoir in a day. Hmmmm. Contest anyone?

I am a mess.

Spilled coffee down the front of my shirt, which is fine, it's a dark shirt, it won't stain. But every now and again I catch a whiff or myself and I smell burnt.

Movie review: GI Joe- Rise of Cobra

Reposted from a comment at DumbDrum.

Let’s begin with the fanboy review:

Lame. Lame, lame, lame.
(I’d say SPOILER ALERT, but who cares)

Snakeyes (who everyone thought could save the movie) … lame.
Snakeye’s stupid-ass molded mask … lame.
Snakeyes vs. Stormshadow in what should have been some awesome fight scenes … lame.
Little kid Snakeyes vs. little kid Stormshadow … lame. And cliche.
And maybe stereotypically racist?
Snakeyes and his “vow of silence” … lame.
Stormshadow's un-ninja like white suit … lame.
The Baroness with no accent … lame.
The Baroness’ transition glasses … lame.
The Baroness as Duke’s girlfriend … lame.
Zartan … lame. And underused.
Zartan being in the movie for all of three minutes while being one of its most critical plot points … lame.
Accelerator suits … lame.
Nanomites … lame (though not completely un-GI Joe like).
Destro without his metal face … lame.
Destro WITH his metal face … lame.
“The Doctor” aka Cobra Commander … surprisingly not lame. They got the voice down, though I don’t know why they needed to deviate from the classic shiny silver face mask. Or the cowl.
“The Doctor” and Duke being besties from way back … lame.
Marlon Waylons … surprisingly not lame.
Brendan Fraser’s cameo … lame.
I won’t even get into the whole “international force” deal, because it wouldn’t have bothered me if the rest of the movie wasn’t so … lame.

Now, putting aside the hundred-some comics and closet full of toys, here’s a more impartial review:

GI Joe wasn’t unwatchable, in the way “Spiderman 3″ or “Spawn” or “Street Fighter” (with Jean Claude) were unwatchable. It was generic, sure. And it wasn’t the GI Joe movie I would make (or want to see made), but for those without years of emotional attachment to the characters, it’s a run-of-the-mill action movie that totally connects with little boys.
Yes, it was full of over-loaded action scenes that make it impossible to really tell what’s happening. And yes, instead of coming away awed, you leave a little overwhelmed. But that’s what’s popular these days. No, there wasn’t any real character development, and what was seemed trite and silly. But it’s GI Joe, not Shakespeare.
Think like a 8-year-old boy and you’ll be fine.

What does Pandora say about you?

Apparently it thinks I'm a 14-year old boy with terrible taste in comedy and music. Now, that may be close to true, but I don't need artificial intelligence throwing it in my face.