Monday, January 12, 2009

Movie review: Teeth

"Teeth"

Remember the movie poster for "Lolita"? The one with the picture of Sue Lyon sucking on a lollipop with the heart glasses and above her in bright red, "How did they make a movie of "Lolita"?

You can ask the same question about "Teeth?" How did they make a movie about a girl with a vagina full of shark teeth?

The answer: Full-on, witout holding anything back. You're wondering, "Wait? They show it?" No. But they do show the damage it can cause, which is essentially a bevy of severed fingers and penises. In graphic detail. Lots of screaming and lots of blood and pretty much nothing left to the imagination.

Warning to the boys: This will make you squirm.

Boil it down and "Teeth," is essentially the story of a girl coming to realize the full power of her womanhood. It's hard for a man to take advantage of you when you can seduce him (easily) and then bite off his dick.

And that's it. Yes, there's some sub plot about the religious purity, a hint at the mythology of Vagina Dentata (it's real, I guess, look it up) and vauge connections to toxic pollutants and gene mutations, but mostly it's about a the power of womanhood. Or womanness. Of course, this is through the eyes (sometimes peeking through fingers) of a man, which is probably tainting things.

Leaving all that aside and I really like this movie for what it was: Funny, itelligent and gory as all hell.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Am I attracted to dumb?

OK, go here and watch the three videos. Laugh. It's fine. Then explain to me why Dr. Cuddy is totally hot(T) in them. Extra T.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I am the machine. The sum of my routines.

I overselpt this morning. OK, the alarm went off as normal, only when I reached over to slap the snooze button, I must have hit the mute button instead (does my alarm even have a mute bottom?) because one minute I happily slumbering, in a pretty great dream I might add, and the next my eyes pop (like literaly pop) open I'm starring at a clock that says 7:49. I can see it even witout my glasses. Magic vision. And it's the worst feeling ever, right? That "OH CRAP!" sensation, quickly followed by "What the hell happened?" What was supposed to be a nice morning of coffee drinking, cereal eating and book reading (and showering), a routine I have, turned into a mad rush to get clothes on and out the door, so I can be at work by 8. Mission accomplished (this is why I live downtown). Only, now I feel like shit. I have a head ache and for some reason my stomach is making these awful rolling noises (and movements). Plus, I am tired, if that makes any sense? How can I be more tired, when I slept in? Well I am. Also: My mind is fried. Not working correctly at all. Generally SNAFUed, I say.