Concert Review: Affliction $5 Christmas Concert

Traveled down to Long Beach this weekend for The Affliction $5 Christmas Concert.

I was sold on the lineup: TSOL, Suicidal Tendencies, Pennywise and Danzig. The fact that it was only $5 (fifteen with the ticketmaster fees, f' you very much ticketmaster) cemented the deal.

TSOL: TSOL makes me think of that movie Suburbia, the one from the 80s, where the girl is out on the dance floor and the guy comes up and says, 'I think I want to fuck your brains out.' Maybe someone once told me that TSOL was in that movie and it stuck? I don't know. Anyway, the band plays phase-one punk that's full of new-wave tints. There were some sound issues that could have been based on the fact the arena wasn't quite full yet, but overall the set was good.

Suicidal Tendencies: Judging from the crowd around their merch booth (and on stage at the end of their set) this was a Suicidal Tendencies show. Where TSOL kept things new-wavey, ST brought the hardcore, running fast and mean through songs like Subliminal, I Saw Your Mommy and I shot Reagan. They did not play Institutionalized. They did play Send me Your Money. What I learned from their set: A.) I know way more ST songs than I thought. B.) There are a bunch of yolked-ass mean-looking mother fuckers who love this band.

Pennywise: I'll be honest here and say I know next to nothing about Pennywise. That's not to say they aren't great. They just were never a part of my punk-rock education. They play melodic jocko-punk that's full of f'-the-authority rage. It's sing-along mosh-pit music and they do as well as I've ever seen.

Danzig: Danzig can do no wrong. That's the long and short of it. He's got the voice and the swagger and the attitude and he kills it every time. He's like an eviler, awesomer version of Elvis. That's the easy comparison, what wit the voice and all, but it's true. Danzig needs to get himself a running Vegas show. Highlights of the set: It's the break down the middle of Bringer of Death and Danzig is crouched down at the front of the stage and the crowd is screaming and he says: 'You know this song is about killing people? Lots and lots of people.' Also: Olivia Thirlby was rocking out, headbanger style, right next to me. I can't imagine it was actually her. But it looked enough like her to throw me off.

Movie review: The Box

Richard Kelly makes a kind of cinematic train wreck is impossible to look away from. I felt it the first time I saw Donnie Darko. So much so that I saw the movie opening night and then again the next afternoon.

The feeling was more pronounced with Southland Tales, a film so randomly bat-shit crazy it should have been unwatchable. But there I was after 144 minutes wondering what the f' I had just seen. I may have even asked it out loud.

The Box is neither of those movies. It lacks all of their redeeming qualities (the randomness of Southland Tales and the hipness of Darko). This is a long-play version of a Twilight Zone episode. It's a moral question (would you trade a human life of $1 million) played against the backdrop of a silent alien invasion.

That's the take away at any rate. Kelly adds other subtleties (the wife with the gimpy foot, the churning water as transportation portal), but they're mostly overlooked.

Still, something about this film transfixed me. Even as I was watching, knowing that it was long and a bit boring, I wanted more. Which ultimately makes the movie, what? Good, in it's own weird way?

High points:

* Kelly nailed the 1970s look, down to the nauseating orange and brown kitchen wallpaper.

* A guest spot from Britta from the funniest show on Television.

Movie Review: The Men Who Stare At Goats

The Men Who Stare at Goats

Without actually seeing this movie, it has a lot going for it. Like A.) a pretty great cast of moustachioed men, including Ewan McGregor and Geogre Clooney. And B.) a great premise.

So it's dissapointing that movie falls flat.

Spoiler alert: It's only marginally about remote veiwing, and the only one who stares at a goat is Clooney at it's for less than five seconds. Seriously.

Mostly, it was another movie trying to capitalize on the ambiguities of modern warfare (which Clooney did way better in Three Kings). Sure, there were some funny moments (it is a comedy afterall) and it was mostly a pleasant enough way to spend an hour and a half (as opposed to watching Saw VI), but it just seemed so ... blah. Generic and wasted and kind of a waste.

This man...

Take a minute right now and go visit this man's Web site. I stumbled upon it this morning and was totally mesmerized by it for a good fifteen minutes. I have not dreamed this man. But I find the idea of it totally intriguing. Plus, the pictures are just creepy.

Memoir in a day

Joel Stein, who works for Time or something wrote a memoir in a day, a jab at Sarah Palin's book Going Rogue, which was apparently written in four months of something. Whatever. You can read Stein's over at the Huff post. It's funny and makes me want to write a memoir in a day. Hmmmm. Contest anyone?

I am a mess.

Spilled coffee down the front of my shirt, which is fine, it's a dark shirt, it won't stain. But every now and again I catch a whiff or myself and I smell burnt.

Movie review: GI Joe- Rise of Cobra

Reposted from a comment at DumbDrum.

Let’s begin with the fanboy review:

Lame. Lame, lame, lame.
(I’d say SPOILER ALERT, but who cares)

Snakeyes (who everyone thought could save the movie) … lame.
Snakeye’s stupid-ass molded mask … lame.
Snakeyes vs. Stormshadow in what should have been some awesome fight scenes … lame.
Little kid Snakeyes vs. little kid Stormshadow … lame. And cliche.
And maybe stereotypically racist?
Snakeyes and his “vow of silence” … lame.
Stormshadow's un-ninja like white suit … lame.
The Baroness with no accent … lame.
The Baroness’ transition glasses … lame.
The Baroness as Duke’s girlfriend … lame.
Zartan … lame. And underused.
Zartan being in the movie for all of three minutes while being one of its most critical plot points … lame.
Accelerator suits … lame.
Nanomites … lame (though not completely un-GI Joe like).
Destro without his metal face … lame.
Destro WITH his metal face … lame.
“The Doctor” aka Cobra Commander … surprisingly not lame. They got the voice down, though I don’t know why they needed to deviate from the classic shiny silver face mask. Or the cowl.
“The Doctor” and Duke being besties from way back … lame.
Marlon Waylons … surprisingly not lame.
Brendan Fraser’s cameo … lame.
I won’t even get into the whole “international force” deal, because it wouldn’t have bothered me if the rest of the movie wasn’t so … lame.

Now, putting aside the hundred-some comics and closet full of toys, here’s a more impartial review:

GI Joe wasn’t unwatchable, in the way “Spiderman 3″ or “Spawn” or “Street Fighter” (with Jean Claude) were unwatchable. It was generic, sure. And it wasn’t the GI Joe movie I would make (or want to see made), but for those without years of emotional attachment to the characters, it’s a run-of-the-mill action movie that totally connects with little boys.
Yes, it was full of over-loaded action scenes that make it impossible to really tell what’s happening. And yes, instead of coming away awed, you leave a little overwhelmed. But that’s what’s popular these days. No, there wasn’t any real character development, and what was seemed trite and silly. But it’s GI Joe, not Shakespeare.
Think like a 8-year-old boy and you’ll be fine.

What does Pandora say about you?

Apparently it thinks I'm a 14-year old boy with terrible taste in comedy and music. Now, that may be close to true, but I don't need artificial intelligence throwing it in my face.

What I love: Vol 1.

Here's something new. Instead of talking about stuff I want, which is fun, but ultimately unfulfilling, let me talk about stuff I have and/or love.

* Tree of Smoke, by Denis Johnson. It's a novel about the Viet Nam war and spies and stuff. Not quite done with it, but soon. Helps concrete Johnson in as one of my faves.

* Street Sweeper Social Club. Odd, I never really cared that much of Rage Against the Machine. But this ... I love. It's Tom Morello and Boots Riley and I seriously found it via one of those MySpace featured bands deals. "Promenade" kills me.

* ABC's Defying Gravity. I've only seen the premier, but I am impressed. It's very theoretically, especially for broadcast TV, especially in the realm of shows like More to Love and Dating in the Dark. This is science-fiction. Actual science fiction. On normal TV. There's the typical TV-love drama crap too, but ... Don't get the hopes up. It'll be canceled soon.

What I want: Vol 8

* A Heritage Knife, from Swiss Army. Way better than the crappy red one I carry now.

* A new belt. This one from Nooka, to be exact. Though I'm pretty sure they don't make one small enough for my waist.

* Vibram's Five Finger shoes. It's like being barefoot. Only uglier. If that's possible with my feet.

* A Urwerk watch. Again with the watches, you ask. Yes, I say. Oh god, yes.

Two things

There are two things there are plenty of at my work: Bad coffee and giant cockroaches.

The ocean is a scary ass place.

This is monsterously amazing to me.

I heart cephalopods

Have I said how much I love cephalopods? I mean, they are good for eating, yes, but they could be the most interesting animals on the planet. In my mind. Just look at this video of a cuttlefish eating an octopus. Wow. The ocean is one scary-ass place. Animal like this just don't exist on land. If octopi ever learn to breath air, watch out world.

On the road

There is nothing like a road trip to make you realize you like music, which I had sort of forgotten, what with my broken stereo and my love for a.m. radio. But I borrowed the roomie's car this weekend, rolled down the windows and drove East to the 101 and out on to the coast.

The playlist:

* Old 97s, Blame it on Gravity

I love Rhett, but I'm obsessed with Murry's "Color Of A Lonely Heart Is Blue."

* She and Him Vol. 1

This is pretty close to perfect music in my mind. It has all nostalgic trappings of 1950s and '60s, but is totally contemporary. Zooey's voice is pure magic.

* Roky Erikson and the Explosives, Halloween (Live 1979-1981)

Roky's voice is unbeatable. There's no two ways around. One of my favorite voices in rock music bar none. Singing along makes me happy.

* One Day as a Lion

Big bass-ass beats. There's a Black Sabbath quality to a few of the songs, which I like. It's no Rage, say the Rage fans.

Who hates hi ku?

I remember someone telling me they hate haiku. I don't remember why. Something about it being too simple, or too obvious. At the time I thought, "Yeah, f' haiku." Cause, it does seem kinda high-school, right?

Then I read my some verse from my buddy Niilo and realized how awesome haiku is. It's totally short and simple, but if done right ... Anyway, I like Niilo's haiku (it's the same pluralized). It reminds me of what I've read from Leonard Cohen. And I mean that as a sincere compliment.

My favorite:

46
sitting on the deck
if you can call it a deck
you can’t, really, though

35
a new year in the old town
so many friends are missing
win some, you lose some

What I want: Vol. 7

* One pair super-fancy-east-coast-rich-guy sun glasses from the J. Crew. Who cares if they're probably too big for my face.

* A motorcycle. An expensive, vintage one, with way too much horse power. Or an space age concept bike, something I could either A.) never ride, or B.) crash into a fence or a tree or a house or another car. But I would look so cool doing it, right?

The cow I have to see butchered

My partner (artistic, not life), Will, is no longer employed. He says this is his final act of journalism. We will see. But it stuck me today (well, Wednesday, and then yesterday and again today) just how bad things are for a lot of people right now and how lucky I am to have a job. One that I (if you've got to have one) like. Until now I have been able to not think about it. But Will brings it shockingly close. It's like how I can eat a hamburger because I don't have to see the 200 or so cows that are slaughtered and ground up and sent out across the country. Essentially, Will is that cow.

Movie review: Teeth

"Teeth"

Remember the movie poster for "Lolita"? The one with the picture of Sue Lyon sucking on a lollipop with the heart glasses and above her in bright red, "How did they make a movie of "Lolita"?

You can ask the same question about "Teeth?" How did they make a movie about a girl with a vagina full of shark teeth?

The answer: Full-on, witout holding anything back. You're wondering, "Wait? They show it?" No. But they do show the damage it can cause, which is essentially a bevy of severed fingers and penises. In graphic detail. Lots of screaming and lots of blood and pretty much nothing left to the imagination.

Warning to the boys: This will make you squirm.

Boil it down and "Teeth," is essentially the story of a girl coming to realize the full power of her womanhood. It's hard for a man to take advantage of you when you can seduce him (easily) and then bite off his dick.

And that's it. Yes, there's some sub plot about the religious purity, a hint at the mythology of Vagina Dentata (it's real, I guess, look it up) and vauge connections to toxic pollutants and gene mutations, but mostly it's about a the power of womanhood. Or womanness. Of course, this is through the eyes (sometimes peeking through fingers) of a man, which is probably tainting things.

Leaving all that aside and I really like this movie for what it was: Funny, itelligent and gory as all hell.

Am I attracted to dumb?

OK, go here and watch the three videos. Laugh. It's fine. Then explain to me why Dr. Cuddy is totally hot(T) in them. Extra T.

I am the machine. The sum of my routines.

I overselpt this morning. OK, the alarm went off as normal, only when I reached over to slap the snooze button, I must have hit the mute button instead (does my alarm even have a mute bottom?) because one minute I happily slumbering, in a pretty great dream I might add, and the next my eyes pop (like literaly pop) open I'm starring at a clock that says 7:49. I can see it even witout my glasses. Magic vision. And it's the worst feeling ever, right? That "OH CRAP!" sensation, quickly followed by "What the hell happened?" What was supposed to be a nice morning of coffee drinking, cereal eating and book reading (and showering), a routine I have, turned into a mad rush to get clothes on and out the door, so I can be at work by 8. Mission accomplished (this is why I live downtown). Only, now I feel like shit. I have a head ache and for some reason my stomach is making these awful rolling noises (and movements). Plus, I am tired, if that makes any sense? How can I be more tired, when I slept in? Well I am. Also: My mind is fried. Not working correctly at all. Generally SNAFUed, I say.