Death and the new year.

It's been a big month for death.
Can I say that? "Big month for death?"
It doesn't sound right, but I can't figure another way of saying it.

Oh, how about, "Lots of people are dying."

Some of them (like Heath Ledger and all them famous-types we hear about) I don't know. Others, I do.

Like my old bowling coach who died yesterday. I got this from a MySpace post so I still don't have all the details, but I know he had been sick for awhile (a year or more) and had to have oxygen with him all the time and couldn't really get around.

Now, I don't really get that shaken by death. I think it's because I haven't had anyone really close to me die. My grandparents died when I was young, before I got to know them. But I knew Glenn. He was my coach when I bowled at Fresno State. That was at least four years (and two steady years) that I saw him for at least three hours pretty much every day and more maybe on weekends when we travelled. I road to Las Vegas with him in the back of a vert swanky rented Caddy. I bowled on his team on a league every Tuesday for ... gosh, had to be four years or so before he couldn't do it anymore. Dude was a PBA champion (this was back in the '60s, I think) and coached the Fresno State teams (especially the women) to several top 10 finished. The women's team ranked in the top five nationally for the better part of the 90s. He was collegiate coach of the year in ... 2006 (I could have my years wrong). I'd like to think he thought I was funny. I can't imagine why else he'd want to bowl with me. Him being good and me being ... me. I'm not being humble, I just know where I'm at talent wise.

So the funeral should be soon. I'll probably go. It'll probably be sad.

No. 4 (a poem)

In the bathroom just now
I was forced to smell someone's ass
Proximity wise
It wasn't the worst thing I've ever done

30 minutes or less ... or, How to get a BJ on work time

Let me try to relate this story mostly how I heard it:

"So, I order a pizza last night. I order it on-line from Pizza Hut, because that way I don't have to talk to a real person. And it tells you exactly when your pizza is supposed to arrive.

6:37 p.m.

6:37 came and went. Seven comes and goes. Finally, at 7:30, I call Pizza Hut and ask, 'Where's my pizza? It was supposed to be here at 6:30.'

The guy on the phone yells to the back: 'Hey, when did Mike leave?'

Answer: 'Awhile ago.'

Guy on the phone says, 'He should be there any minute.'

Of course, because he left 'awhile ago.'

So, fifteen minutes later the pizza guy knocks on the door. He's got lipstick smeared all over his mouth and his girlfriend is sitting in the car."

Why I love my job no. 1

So, I'm complaining to my boss, sort of passively, about how I'm pretty much broke until payday (which is in two days) and how I had $26 in the bank and just wrote a $22 check so I could bowl last night. And when she comes back from a meeting just now, she says she has something for me and hands me a $20 bill. "It's so you can get through until payday."

Can we all say "awww"? I am loved.

No. 3

In the dream last night I'm flying, or floating. My watch speaks to me in Japanese, in a girl's voice, teasing. She curls up beside me like it's something familiar, her head tucked on my shoulder, my fingers playing spider games on her stomach. In the the morning, in the bath, I shave but it doesn't take. There's still traces of a moustache, the kind a pedophile might wear. My fleece is covered in cat hair. My shoes are low top, and it's raining.

Mad Libs

Via break time at work.

Why you should go to college

Our American universities offer students many (simple) courses that will them to become proffessional (baloons). You can get a bachelor of (fools) degree or take a regular liberal (blondes) course of study.

Q: What are you studying in college?

A: Liberal blondes.